BITTER OLD MAID

I didn't have many friends as a child as we were quite poor and moved around frequently. The "not poor" kids were cruel and I was never in one school long enough to forge any bonds with other lonely poor kids. 

When I was 13 My mother planted our butts at her mom's house in Wayne Lakes Ohio. An absolutely wonderful place with many cherished memories. The best part was that we lived there for almost 5 years. Jr High wasn't much better than grade school, but I did make a few tentative friendships that really flourished in High School. I am still friends with most of them today, although from a great distance. 

See, right before I turned 18, my grandmother passed away and my mother took us right back to California. I have lived there for the majority of the rest of my life up until almost two years ago. 

I sort of followed in my mother's footsteps in the way that I tend to move around a lot. And I HATE IT. 

But that isn't the reason for today's blog....   Human Nature...

In having lived roughly 13 years of my life in Barstow, California, I have made many friends there. Most of which have stabbed me in the back. Now, I have lived in A LOT of different places, making friends everywhere I go, but I usually don't stick around long enough to become real close to anyone. And if I haven't let you into my heart, then you can't hurt me. 

I get it. Kind of. The mentality, human's most basic instinct, of do whatever it takes to get you and yours to the top, regardless of those insignificant people you trample on the way. You have to do for your family. Sure. OK. 

I must have evolved enough to be missing that particular instinct. I STILL let some of those backstabbers call me their friend! Yes, I'm a welcome mat. But it's not because I let people take advantage of me. Once my trust is broken, it is permanently broken. There's no going back. 

It's because I am a lover, a giver, a helper. I hold doors open for strangers, say excuse me if I have to walk in front of somebody to get to the produce section, give the other car the right away even if it's mine. 

I am the one that helps all my friends and acquaintances move all their crap, babysits for free, and switches shifts with you last minute because you have a blind date. And I never ask anybody for anything because I don't want to be a burden.

Why am I like that? Because it is MY human nature. Because I would like to have a friend that would be there for me if I needed one. 

My closest friends are the ones I never see and never talk to. They are the ones that I will have a great conversation with once ever other year then think about how much I miss them. 

Then I think maybe I need a change of scenery again. Maybe I need to find greener pastures. Maybe go east, closer to my my closest yet furthest away friends. Then I think, NO, I'm NOT going to drag my kids all over this country like my mother did. 

I understand the bitter old maid. I'm turning into one. Because I hate people. Even if I AM overly nice to them. I really do hate them and try wholeheartedly to avoid them.

MY MANTRA:  "AN YE HARM NO ONE, DO AS YE WILL" 

HALLOWEEN

Oh the dreaded holiday!

Don't get me wrong, I love decorating the house, making the kids costumes, carving pumpkins and roasting their seeds.

 Trying to navigate through hordes of rude and unruly kids shoving their way to front of the line, the chill of the cold night air and pounds of sugary candy brought home at the end of the night is what I dread.

By now we have all heard of the "Candy Tax". It's an awesome idea and makes the night a bit more bearable. D and I have come up with another strategy to survive this hellish night.

SKIP DINNER.

Yup, you read that right. If we have a small snack and skip dinner before we go Trick or Treating we accomplish three things.

1. The kids soon become hungry. They become hungry enough to decide they want to go eat more than they want to Trick or Treat. This makes it THEIR idea to end the night rather than us being the bad guys when we say enough is enough.

YES! Parents-1. Kids-0.

2. We usually go get some fast food burgers or nuggets and fries. It's quick and easy and nobody has to cook or clean up. (Really, who wants to do such things on an already busy and exhausting night?)

Parents-2. Kids-0.

3. Once fed, the kids tummies are full. Full enough to not want to pig out on candy. A couple pieces suffice and all is well. They go to bed, we raid the candy, keep what we want, keep a handful for each kid and toss the rest.

Parents-3. Kids-0
We win this round!
(Insert victory dance here)

AHHHHHH, KIDS!

Let's start with the oldest and work our way down to the youngest...

Big D still hasn't been able to get his carpel tunnel surgery because of all the runarounds he's been getting with insurance, and he can't get a real job until his hands are fixed. So he continues with the odd jobs here and there. So far we are staying afloat. He also puts stinky cologne on while sleeping in the middle of the night.

I have been trying to keep my sanity amidst all the insanity this family bestows upon me. My chickens are my zen. I can sit out there and watch them for hours. The shower used to be my zen, but kids seem to gravitate toward the sound of running water. Even if there is another adult human being wandering around the house fully dressed and completely dry. Why is this? I also help, when needed, with the odd jobs.

N has a new friend 2 years his senior at the Jr. High who has a very colorful vocabulary. That fact combined with the fact that the friend isn't required to get permission before a friend spends the night (or 3) makes me quite uncomfortable. Big D doesn't seemed fazed at all by it and it's just a new source of a fight, so I tend to keep my mouth shut when it comes to his kids. (He tends to get defensive). But alas, he is grounded until he brings his F up on his report card. So my worries are eased for the time being.

T is also currently grounded, but for 2 F's, not just one. Being grounded really doesn't change things for her much since it doesn't really take anything away from her. I really don't know how to help her bring her grades up. Those of you who are my friends and family know that she always gets advanced scores on the state testing and she used to be on the honor roll, so she's absolutely smart. She just doesn't do her class work so ends up accumulating many missing assignments. Even though she stays after school for "tutoring". (Which is basically just after school detention). I think she's just like me, painfully shy, teased a lot and very easily distracted. I got bad grades because I absolutely hated school, with all it's social pressures and boring teachers, even though I always aced my tests. I don't know what to do, maybe homeschooling is the answer.

J has done surprisingly well in the first quarter of school, but I think it's starting to get to him. Just in the second quarter (which just started the beginning of October) he's been kicked off the bus twice. (I honestly don't know why they keep letting him back on, since he's not supposed to be riding it in the first place). His teacher has also called me twice for his behavior. He's been yelling out in class and won't stay seated. All the same stuff as last year. And his tics are getting worse again. Yesterday I had to pick him up from school and the principal told me he spit on somebody. When I got home and asked him about it, he said the girl called him stupid and ugly, so he blew raspberries at her. I talked to the principal and told him about how the previous school kept giving us the runaround with his evaluation and acquiring an IEP and he said he would call them and request his files. So hopefully we won't have to start all over. Other than that, he's still very funny and becoming quite the bookworm.

A is starting to lose interest in her mother, whom she hasn't seen since the middle of summer break. (Her mom's choice). She's still a fashion Diva (think Punky Brewster) and stubborn as all hell. She reminds me of my little sister. Argues for argument's sake. And nothing is ever good enough good enough for her. But she doesn't hate me anymore, so we're making some progress there.

Small D is still completely loyal to his mother and wants to go live with her, which is totally fine. What pisses me off about it is not understanding how a mother could just write off her kids like that? It pisses me off that she puts us in the painful position of having to watch her children be hurt by her, and think it's Big D keeping them away from her because we refuse to talk bad about her by telling them the truth. She's a stupid drug addict. Just like my mom was. And I hate her.
Ahem.... Small D is doing very well in school. His behavior is perfect. He's polite and shares and takes turns and is just generally very nice. The complete opposite of what he is here. And he still hate his step family.

Big D is taking them both down the hill to see their mother (supervised). They have the option of staying the weekend with their aunt, for supervised visitation. Small D is completely excited whereas A is all kinds of upset. She does not want to see her mom at all. Big D isn't going to force her to stay the weekend if she doesn't want to.

G is talking much better, however he is still quite delayed. I'm thinking about having him evaluated. Maybe slightly autistic or something? I really don't know, but he's like an entire year behind his peers, developmentally. He is the sweetest and most well behaved of the bunch. He is quite sensitive and his feeling are easily hurt. He needs a softer touch for sure. He is starting to pick up some of his sibling bad habits though, like talking back and arguing.

The dogs are great, the cat is coming into his own, at nearly a year old now, and the chickens provide me with endless zen....


---------------------------------------

I haven't blogged in a while because I really want these to be cheery and upbeat but I just haven't had a whole lot of that lately, with the constant job searches and non-stop bills. You know how it is. Hopefully Halloween will provide me with better material. 

A FEW QUICK UPDATES

G is getting ready to turn 4 this weekend and A is getting ready to turn 7 next weekend. So a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to them!

Big D lost his job last month, but we have both been doing odd job here and there to stay afloat. We have been thinking about doing some advertising since we both love it so much.

The last tile job we just did...

Bid D's carpel tunnel has gotten so bad that he can't sleep. I have taken to sleeping on the couch so I can be close to him. We are trying to get some sort of insurance for him so he can get the surgery he needs.

Since we may be in this home for quite some time (maybe even the entire 15 years of the loan) I have drawn up some new plans for our remodel. It will be WAY more pricey and take MUCH longer, but it will be worth it.

                                                                     Current layout:

New plans:

J has yet to get into any real trouble at school (the homeschooling didn't work out), with the exception one incident with a bully, which actually ended up just being a misunderstanding. They are now friends.

I always dread the parent teacher conferences because even though my kids are EXTREMELY smart (not a biased opinion, they get "advanced" scores during testing), they spend most of their time in their own little worlds rather than the class room. This tends to result in missing assignments and low grades. Yeah, well, we have those fun filled meetings tomorrow. YAY!!

Luckily, I'm not one of those parents that blames the teacher for everything. I KNOW my kids very well. I know they are bored out of their minds, and I know they find the the bug flying in the window much more interesting than the lesson at hand.

I also learned about an interesting item called a CHEWIGEM. I think I'm going to try it it for J's chewing problem. He's like a puppy and destroys everything he can get his mouth on, including his clothes.

SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION AND CAN I GET A SITTER PLEASE

Thursday is the day the school board decided would be a good first day back to school here in this Mohave Valley. All the  kids were actually excited to go back, since it turns out summer break can be rather boring. School doesnt start until 9 and Big D has to be at work by 8, which leaves me to wrangle 6 kids to school all by my lonesome. It's all good, I'm well practiced! Or at least that's what I thought.

How does the summer break have the ability to wash away the memories of last years lost shoes and back packs and the tearful complaints about how bad school lunch sucks? Needless to say, everyone was late their first day. Our new house is within walking distance, so no buses for us. Which actually translates into me driving them to and from.

N is now a 6th grader! This means 6 different classes, lockers, and changing for gym. Oh yes, it's a scary big new world for him. I could see the worry in his face, but he handled it like a champ.

Off to the elementary school! I walk each kid to their class. First A, with a quick hug and kiss and shes off!

Next was J. I left his teacher a bit apprehensive, with my ADHD and Tourette's syndrome rundown. I apologized for a rough year and wished her luck.


Next in line was Small D. He is now in Kindergarden. YAY! We're EXCITED! As I walk through his class room door, he puts on the breaks, bursts into tears and flops on the floor. He no longer wants to go to school. So I tell his teacher to let me go ahead and take T to her class and we will be back. We drop her off without a hitch and head on back.

I tried to convince him how much fun school would be with all the coloring and reading and singing. Meanwhile his teacher is inside barking orders like a military officer. Could you PLEASE give me a break?
So I hang out for a while, because I know Small D wont just cry if I leave him there. I know Small D will run after me. And I can see that the school staff is completely uninterested in offering up any assistance what so ever. I asked his teacher if she could maybe talk to Small D a bit so he isnt so afraid of her. She introduced herself and walked away. Thanks teacher! That was amazing! <(dripping with sarcasm).

After a little while, the teacher notices that a little boy who appeared to have down syndrome was in her class. So she called the office and summoned a group of about 4 school staff to come "evaluate" the situation. During all this, I'm still trying to convince Small D to go to his class room.

One of the summoned staff noticed my very obviouse delima I was having with a tearful 5 year old. She told me that if I was comfortable with it that I could leave him with her. I respond with, "I'm COMLETELY comfortable leaving him here with you. The problem is that he will not stay. He will chase after me." So in her wonderful wisdome <(not sarcasm) she got down on his level and started to TALK to him. WOW. Finally, somebody gets it! Slowly but surely he starts to relax. And finally he agrees to go with her to the library to find a book about Monster trucks.

I thanked her very sincerely and left.

Meanwhile, Bob the Builder has work and wants me full time, but the sitter decided to just drop off of the face of the earth. Thank you sitter. I SO very badly want to work. I NEED to work! And there's work to be had, but there's no sitter.

Fear not, as we have 2, yes, TWO whole interviews Saturday. I just may be able to start working Monday! WOOT! Wish us luck!

PARVO

Parvo killed Dozer last night. Apparently the people who lived here BEFORE the people who lived here before us had a bunch of sick and dying dogs. But we didn't find this out until AFTER Dozer got sick.

The Parvo vaccine is not 100% effective and certain breeds are more susceptible, including the pitt bull. Our other two dogs are fine. They are not high risk breed, are over two years old and vaccinated.

Rest In Peace Dozer. You will be greatly missed.

MOVING... AGAIN.

Our original plan was for Big D to take a load to the new house every day when he went to work, (since he works in town) during the week while we wait for all the utilities to be turned on, then move all the rest of our things over the weekend. But as you know, the owner effed up that plan.

So, we resorted to asking Big D's sister (yes, the one who thinks I'm a user, which, by the way, she changed her story, now my kids and I are baggage and he would be much better off without us) and her boyfriend to help us move with their pick-up truck and toy hauler.
After work.
Tuesday and Wednesday.
UHG...!

As a result of this last minute "move or police" threat, I had to pack up the entire house and disassemble all the furniture and prepare everything for transfer all by my lonesome self (because you KNOW the kids wouldn't help) in two days flat while Big D was at work and everyone wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. It took two loads Tuesday night  and one load Wednesday night, which also included the kids and pets. Big D's sister (let's start calling her "L") is NOT a animal lover, so Zelda the horny toad, Snowflake and her 6 babies rode in the back with Paige and Jersey, all the while hissing and growling and clawing in motherly defense, meanwhile Mischief, Fiddles the crab and Dozer all rode on my lap. I tell you what.. THAT was FUN! <= Dripping with sarcasm.

And since everybody was tired and in a hurry to go home and go to bed since they had to work in the morning, our crap just got piled on top of each other in the living room in a very unorganized way. AHHHH, the chaos!

I had all the kids' rooms, den and living room done the first day. The next day I was completely exhausted but managed to do a few loads of laundry that never made it to closets or dressers. (They are still piled on the couch right now as I type...) I also finished the dining room and our room. Then yesterday we did most of the kitchen.

You see, we discovered this house was infested with mice. So we set out some mouse traps and got two the first night. Once we stopped seeing fresh turds and empty mouse traps we cleaned out the cabinets and lined them with contact paper. Most of them are done and we got most of our kitchen things put away. It is a huge disgusting job.

Today we decided to do a little remodeling. We put a door in our room leading into the closet/laundry room/bathroom. The new door is MUCH closer to the light switch and we can block off the other door in the den, which will make set up easier.

 We did this....

Now it's time to clean up the mess.


Disclaimer:
For those of you looking for a parenting blog or step parenting blog, you will get it as soon as we settle in and the focus isn't so much on our epic move and re-move.

OH THE HUMANITY

I am an equal opportunity people hater. I don't really think of myself as BETTER than anybody and I kind of have some self esteem issues. Not a lot, but they are there. But I do think of myself as generally more caring, giving, and courteous than the average person. I hold doors open for strangers, wait my turn at busy intersections and wave acknowledgement at those who do the same for me. I say please and thank you and apologize. But I hate, HATE going out in public, because the public just sucks. People are rude and crude. They cut you off in traffic, shove their way to the front of the line, speak obscenities at high volume. I just don't have the energy to deal with them.

But at the same time, I tend to put too much faith in humanity.

I naively trust and generally just assume that people have the same morals that I have, therefore they should react to various situations in the same manner that I do. Again, naive, I know. (This gets me into a lot of trouble at times.) So it is because of this that it never ceases to amaze how cruel the world truly is. I read an article yesterday about some punk kids that have randomly been setting animals on fire! OMG, what is this world coming to?

Well, that isn't really what this post is about. It is about our current fun filled situation. As you know, we were released from our lease and given $750 of our deposits back since the owner was unwilling to fix the well. OK, fine. So we started the search for a new place to live. Now, obviously, $750 is not NEARLY enough money to move with. We looked and looked and looked. You should know that finding a place big enough for a family of eight is no easy task. Three bedrooms just won't cut it.

Then alas, HURRAH! We found a take over payments place, with lots of weirdly situated rooms that we can definitely work with. Knock down a wall here, put in a door there. Yep, this will work. And what's more is it's within our price range. YAY US!

So we pay the down payment and call the utility companies and get quotes for home owner's insurance and start packing up our things. Meanwhile, seven, yes SEVEN tires die on us since Father's day. So with great dramatic affect. So now we're borrowing money to put tires on our vehicle. Yes, we are struggling, but we are surviving.

Then, just out of the blue, Sunday evening, Big D gets a text message that says this...

I am the owner of ----------, I will be calling the police since you are squatting.

Wait, WHAT???

Then he goes on to say that he's filing eviction and suing for $2000. WTF??? Seriously? We're going to be out by the end of the week and you're evicting us???? Why would any human being ever do such a thing to another human being???? The ONLY thing that makes sense to me here is that he is a jerk. And enjoys being a jerk.

Well, I talked to him on the phone (rather than text) to find out just exactly why he's being such a jerk. He was pissed that we didn't leave the day we were released from the lease, EVEN THOUGH they only gave us $750 back and he wants us out. NOW. He continued to be a jerk and gave us until Wednesday. Then he's calling the police. Well then, so be it.

Now before you all start reciting laws and policies to me, I DO understand that there are rules in regards to the way things work. But why does that make it OK to be a complete dick? I could see if we had kept giving him the run around, coming up with excuse after excuse. But really, there's no effing water here! AND WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING OUT!

So there you have it. The lack of human decency is prevalent everywhere.

But, on a good note, we bought a house. WE BOUGHT A FRIGGIN HOUSE!!!
Craziness.
And we are moving in this week and we get to do whatever the hell we want to it. Like knock down walls and put up doors...

HAPPY HOME OWNERS

We just have to acquire homeowners insurance and we are good to go!!!! YAY!!!

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

The faintest little glimpse of light is starting to appear at the end of this long ass tunnel. Like children and Santa Clause, I always knew it was there, I just haven't been able to see it. Until now.

We found a place in town big enough to fit all eight of us that is an owner finance, for $1000 down and $650 a month, to take over payments. It desperately needs remodeling, since the people who built this place must have been slightly insane. The layout is very strange to me, with lots of wasted space and no function to form. It is currently a three bedroom, two bathroom with two bonus rooms... sort of.

Umm, here, let me draw you a few pictures (obviously not to scale)  The first one is how it is now, then there are two different remodel ideas...
Yeah, I know, right? What in the hell is THAT??  ^

Well, maybe we can fix it....
                                       \/Or, perhaps this....  
                                    \/

What do you guys think? 

We are meeting with the seller at three today to discuss terms and take the next steps. Hopefully we can start moving by the end of the week.

YAY!!  

TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS

I haven't written in a while as there has just been so many stresses lately. This is going to be a vent session so that I do not physically and very literally break something in my house. Where should I start?.... 


Well, I guess where I left off....


We still don't have any water. (Thankfully our neighbor has been letting us use his water supply until we can get this situation figured out.) The well company came out and tried to fix it, but the landlord decided fixing it would be too expensive and "released" us from the year lease we signed. We tried to negotiate with them. Tried to get them to let us put a water tank on the property so we could haul water and just take it out of the rent, but no dice. They just want us out. So they refunded our deposits and prorated our rent. 


We have been looking for a new house to move into, but it is not easy. First of all, we have 6 kids and we do not relish the idea of squeezing us all back into a little 3 bedroom. Besides the fact that it is extremely rare to find a 4 bedroom within our price range, just the cost of moving in and of it's self is quite pricey. Not to mention finding a place where we can keep all of our beloved pets, including the newly arrived chickens. 


So we have been "tirelessly" (that there is a figure of speech, or sarcasm, take it how you want it) searching for a place to move into. We have found a few places here and there. Most are just way too extremely small for way too much money, and the one we applied for denied us. SOOOOOOO.....


We are getting ready to sit down for dinner last night when there comes a rapping at the door. We assume it is our generous neighbor since he is the only one to ever stop by. But low and behold, it is a stranger. He works for the owner and is here to change the locks and take some pictures to put this house on Craigslist. They are going to do an owner finance. So we get to talking to this guy and tell him our story. So he asks us, "Hey, why don't YOU guys do the owner finance on this place?" Um, what? This is the first we've heard of this. Tell us more. So he makes a phone call and lays it out like this....

$1000 down and and $750 a month for 20 years.

Well, let us sleep on that, will ya?

Which we did, plus a little bit of Googling. You know me, the Google whore. Hmmm, sounds to me like we're going to be getting ripped the F off. So let's negotiate, shall we? Big D and I discuss it. We both agree that unless they are willing the lower the payments to either equal to what we were already paying or less, then it's a no go.

And that's where we are on that. Big D is going to call the guy on his lunch break and see if he can do some finagling.

Meanwhile, we have a secondary drama going on in our lives. Each other. We have been so stressed out about the water situation and the trying to find a place to live situation and the kids at their moms' situation, and with the death of my ex-stepdad, with trying to figure out my mother's situation, with not being about to find a job to save my freaking life, and all of our various medical issues that we are trying to deal with, and the falling apart tires and transmission failing on both vehicles situation that we have been at each others' throats, fighting like crazy. 

Oh but wait! There's MORE! Oh yes. Big D's wonderful sister has decided to tell Big D's mom (with which whom he is very close) that I am just USING Big D! Uh yeah, you heard me correctly. I'M using HIM! For what, I don't know.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

You are joking, right? Seriously.

1..... 2...... 3...... 4....... 5........ deep breath......

We have a whole heaping pile of dog doo doo on our plates, BUT we still love each other, and we both feel it is worth toughing it out and just trying to get thorough these difficult times in one piece. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. We just have to keep pushing through. And we will all be stronger and more closely bonded when we emerge at the other end.

To end this on a good note....  We had Small D and A for Father's Day weekend and we went camping. We took all the dogs and the kids and got in the ice cold lake water and chased minnows and lizards and got camp fire smoke in our eyes and ate burnt chicken and slept on the hard ground. It was a much needed reprieve from the daily grind an lots of fun. We are still a family and we still love each other and we can still thoroughly enjoy each other's company. We are still US.

Chicks

Just a quick update on the newest members of the family.
They are all eating and drinking and full of energy. YAY!
The inventory is as follows....
~8 black with yellow spots - could be Barred Plymouth Rock and/or Dominique

~5 red - could be Rhode Island Red, Production Red, and/or Cherry Eggers

~10 orange - could be Buff Orpington and/or New Hampshire

~3 light yellow - could be White Leghorn, White Wyandotte and/or White Rock.

~5 striped - Golden Phoenix

I'm sure there could possibly be some Easter Eggers in there since the chicks come in a wide variety of colors.

Now some more chick pics.... Enjoy!

Summer is approaching

Every one who knows me knows I thrive on sun shiny days, blue skies and triple digit temps. The dog days of summer are the only days for me. But so far the coming of the season hasn't been an altogether joyous one. Namely all the complications we have run into trying to make our new house a home. First it was the propane, then the stove and the internet and now BAM! we have no water.

We are on a well and our pump decided to quit working on us Sunday afternoon. The well people came out to replace it, but whoever originally installed it did a shoddy job. Not only did they connect the PVC pipe directly to the pump rather than adding some galvanized pipe to allow for cooling, (which in turn caused it to swell and burst) they didn't attach a safety tether to the pump in case the pipe broke so they could pull the thing up.Well, guess what! That's exactly what happened and now the pump is stuck down in the hole about 120 ft down. They are out there now as I type trying to get it all fixed up for us so we can have water again.

That's right. Three days without being able to wash dishes or do laundry or take a shower or flush a toilet. We are not disgusting pigs though, so we have been purchasing bottled water for all these basic needs. And you know what? We use a hell of a lot of water. DAMN! I REALLY want to take a shower!! I hope it get fixed TODAY!!

Here are my silver linings for the week...

Our baby chicks are currently waiting for us at the post office. YAY!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to get them home and take inventory. I will do an update blog chock full of pics once we get them all settled in. I told the kids they each get to name 5 of the chickens (since there are 30 of the little fuzzballs).

Also, Memorial Day is this coming weekend and we are planning a camping trip to the lake. I always look so forward to the first camping trip of the season, after shivering all winter long, cold and miserable. I'm an outdoorsy person and go stir crazy when I'm cooped up for any extended period of time. So, DOUBLE YAY!!

I finally sold my no longer running yet still loved Saturn for $500. We were attempting to sell Big D's Rodeo as well and put the money together in order to purchase me a new vehicle, but alas, we ran into some snags and it just seemed more practical to put the $500 into the Rodeo. Well, the Rodeo is now running just fine, but I'm having a hard time letting go of the fact that my Saturn was so much nicer. With it's working stereo, AC, windows, and back doors. Is this pride? Sure. Maybe I got spoiled. I don't know. But I do miss my Saturn....

Uhem, right, we are talking silver lining here...

So, I ordered a stereo through Amazon.com (which I absolutely LOVE) along with Big D's Father's Day gift and got free shipping. The stereo was under $25 and has a USB port, SD slot, and AUX port. No CD player, but that's OK. Out here the heat quickly destroys CDs, so I really just wanted the afore mentioned features. The Rodeo now runs, it still needs all blinkers and tail lights replaced (as J and Small D thought it was a good idea to smash them all out a few months back), the back doors need new handles and made to where they can be opened. Three of the four windows don't work at all (one of which is smashed) and it has no AC. Also, the little hydraulic arms for the back window need replaced. I am incapable of getting the back door open because for some reason the spare tire latch just won't unlatch for me. Once all those things are fixed I will be happy as a clam, (what does that even mean?) even if it's not eye candy, I just want what's supposed to work to work. (Like a dumb ass smart phone).

There are two days left of school. I have mixed feeling about this. I'm really happy that I don't have to worry about notes and phone calls from the principal, and constantly reminding the kids to do their homework every five minutes until bed time, or searching for missing shoes as the bus is driving by. Plus I get to spend even MORE time with the kids.

Ummmm, yeah, that IS a good thing. Really....

On the down side, I will be spending an extraordinarly exaggerated amount of extra time with the kids. All day. Every day. Desperately trying to keep them entertained while at the same time trying to keep up with my other responsibilities and keeping my sanity all at the same time.

OMG, I need a job now more than ever! Somebody PLEASE call me for an interview!!

Also, Big D's kids will be spending the summer primarily with their mothers. So we will be lacking half of our family. And even though I regularly bitch and moan, I do love the little bastards. They make me crazy, but they still have my heart. What can I say, I can't help it. On the upside, we get Small D and A every other weekend during the summer and I'm planning on making every one of them count.

MOVING INTO THE NICE BIG NEW HOUSE

First, a few updates...
Big D won custody of the kids, which I had no doubt he would. It was a no brainer. However, the judge seemed intent on dragging out the suspense by waiting almost two weeks to mail out the verdict. Ridiculous. We switched up the birthday parties since we know nobody will want to make the trip all the way out here two days in a row. We had Small D's party last Saturday and J's is tomorrow. I didn't get to make the cakes I wanted because the oven isn't working, so we went with store bought. Jayden is back in public school and so far I haven't received any phone calls or letters. I haven't heard from G's dad since I told him to go F***K himself. I have yet to get started on any of my really cool and exciting projects. I just haven't had the time or energy. We have been here a little over two weeks and we're still not fully moved in. I'm steadily working on it though.

=====================================

As you all know we have been waiting to move into our new bigger, nicer place that fits us all. Well, we finally did it with many headaches. We had issues with the propane and issues with getting the RV over here, issues with the internet (which is why I've been MIA) and we are still having issues with the stove; awaiting the arrival of a new one. Needless to say the first two weeks were rough, with cold showers and crock pot dinners. I'm not much of a cook, and actually, factually, I down right hate it. But I do it. My family has to eat. Taking the stove out of the equation just makes it 10x harder to think up meals that everyone will eat. Six kids and they are all so damn picky.

But we are getting through. Barely. Becoming a family of eight is proving to be a difficult challenge. Being the evil step mother is draining and heart wrenching. I have grown to love my step children, but they still see me as the evil rule maker and fun taker. This hurts my heart. I don't want to be the wicked witch of the East. I want to play and have fun little conversations about pink unicorns and purple dragons. But I also cannot allow them to become fat couch potatoes that live in a filthy pig sty, (when I say this, I'm talking about ALL SIX of them) and for that there must be rules and chores.

Remember that movie "The Sound of Music"? The dad was super strict and needed ORDER. Well, that's NOT me. There are eight of us in this house. That equals a lot of mess. Laundry, dishes, trash, etc. It also equals a lot of bickering about who's turn it is to play on the XBox or computer or whatever. I cannot keep up with it all. It makes my head spin and my heart race. I just need some organization.

Tell that to the kids and they are being tortured. Why on earth should THEY have to help keep this place clean? And why on earth should they NOT be allowed to play video games 24 hours a day? Try explaining to them that the rules and chores are because I actually CARE about their well being and success as adults elicits rolling eyes and blank stares. So it is a constant battle to strike a balance between earning their respect and keeping this place in order.

OMG, I NEED A FRICKEN JOB!! With a pay check and other grown ups.

I had been deluded to think this move would somehow make things a little easier, giving us more room to breath and have our own spaces to retreat to if needed. Oh how wrong I was. Somehow it seems the dynamics have changed in the complete opposite direction. Tension is high and stresses are unavoidable. WTH has happened? I'm a bit confused here.

To be fair, Big D is trying to quit smoking, which I know from experience is SOOO hard! I quit a few months back and was a complete raving bitch. And Big D stood right by my side through it all. Sure, we bickered, but he was very patient and understanding. Treating me with love and respect. Remembering this gives me more patience than I would normally have with anybody else. And that's saying a lot. These days I'm not a very patient person. So now I'm just trying to ride out the wave.

On a side note, I can totally see why the kids these days are so bad. Not that I condone it by any means, but It would be so much easier to just let them do, say, and eat what ever they want. Being a good parent is really HARD!

FEAR~ TWICE IN ONE WEEK

Twice this week I have been completely terrified...

I think it was this last Monday that I was sure I had murdered us all. I dunno, I'm tired....

Boys will be boys. And boys pee all over the toilet and all over the floor by the toilet. We have 5 boys in this house. (Maybe they should sit to pee. You don't see us girls peeing all over the place. I'm sick of cleaning up boy pee.) 

So I'm in the bathroom and I spill bleach. The bleach immediately starts to foam and fizzle when it reaches the toilet. Um.... OK? It must be that amonia+bleach chemical reaction that I've heard about? That's supposed to be bad, right? Well, it can't be THAT bad. Right? 

As I'm cleaning up the the sizzling foam my throat and nose and eyes start to burn. I mean really burn. OH GOD! What did I do??? I hold my breath and quickly clean up the rest, close the door and run to the GOOGLE. WHAT???? Oh crap, oh crap, OH CRAP!!! I keep looking and it's the same all over the place! Now I feel real FEAR!

So I called Poison Control and the guy calmed me down. He did say it was VERY dangerous, however, if I wasn't already in the process of dying or exploding, then it most likely wouldn't happen. YAY ME! I'm still alive and unexploded!

 The explosion part is what really had me worried. Because I felt OK. I was slightly light headed from holding my breath so long, but I was fine. I just didn't want to explode my family.

Yeah, that was kind of embarrassing.

Then last night I had another scare....

My usual after dinner routine starts with an argument over doing the dishes with the child who's turn it is to do the dishes. 

(And I make absolutely sure to play my nagging roll of "When I was your age I had to do the dishes in the sink, by hand, every day.....blahdy blahdy blah".

Yup, I turned into the person I always swore I'd never turn into). They have it easy. All they have to do is rinse the dishes and then put them into the dishwasher. They don't have to do the pots n pans or clean any counters or tables or floors. Just the dinner dishes. I do all the rest. And, it's only every other day. But they still moan about how not fair it is that they have to do a single chore on alternating nights. Luckily for them this is all going to change when we move. For I have come up with a new chore chart! Yes, I know, I rock!

Notice it says "KITCHEN" instead of dishes. 

Yes, I got side tracked and now I'm rambling...  I am sleep deprived and impatient to move already!

Sheesh.

So arguing over dishes, then bed time. Which of course is not fair either. Because it's not like their bedtime has always been 9 o'clock pm.... oh wait, it has, actually. Go   to    FREAKING   BED! 

Then finally! No-kids quality time with my giant, cuddly-warm man child. How do we spend it? By playing MW3 on XBOX of course. Isn't that how all grown ups spend their quality no-kids time together? No? Weird.....

So we curse the A-holes that keep dropping us over and over and over again until I'm just not having fun anymore and decide to quit. He plays another game or two then we retire to our room to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. When it's over we turn off the TV and snuggle in for a night of sleep. 

Only I can't fall asleep. I can never fall asleep. Random thoughts pop into my head and dance on my brain. And I tend to voice these thoughts out loud. Because I can't not. I have tried. My snuggle buddy tries his best to stay awake enough to listen to the rambling ons of my restless brain until he just can't anymore. Sleep claims him and I lie there awake for some time before I finally doze off.....

Then just a few moments later I am awakened by the sound of a THUD. Since this sound is what woke me up I am not at all entirely sure I even really heard a THUD. So I lay there, listening.... 

Then I hear it. It's G. He's trying to cry, but can't catch his breath. I'm out of bed in a flash, jumping over the still sleeping Big D and fly through the door, my heart pounding, trying to suppress the FEAR. I'm an expert non-panicker. <~ That is a word. I just now made it up.

I get there, to his bed, where I expect to see him lying on the floor, but no, he's not there. I find him instead, on the floor next to my daughter's bed. She sleeps on the top bunk. So I pick him up and hold him, "shhhhhh, baby, it's ok. shhhhhhh..." I feel his head for lumps, there are none. So I ask him where it hurts and he points to his back. I put my hand under his shirt and feel sticky skin. Oh no! I run to the bathroom and flip the light switch. He has a huge, very swollen scrape on his back, right on his spine. OK. What do I do? Think... 

Here is the problem.... My car is broke down. Big D's car is a manual. I can drive a manual, but just barley. (Dammit! I need to get a new freaking car!)  Also, the hospital is 20 minutes away. And I'm going to have to strap him down into his carseat with him sitting on his very painful wound.... what to do....

By this time Big D has awoken to pee and I show him G's back. OMG! What happened??? We discuss the issue at hand. I'm frustrated with the situation and that presents it's self as anger. Anger towards Big D. He goes to the kitchen to get some children's Tylenol while I dress the wound with triple antibiotic ointment with pain relief and gauze. 

It is decided that I attempt to drive to the ER. It was a jerky journey, that took longer because instead of my normal led footedness, I drove slowly, in fear that I wouldn't be able to slam on the brakes without killing our only car. And now I have new fears added to the situation. I'm afraid I'm going to kill the car. I'm afraid I'm going to get pulled over because of my slow jerky driving and I'm afraid the hospital staff is going to think I'm abusing my son and they're going to call CPS. Every time one of my kids is injured (which, thankfully, isn't very frequently) I worry that CPS will be called. Could this be considered a phobia, I wonder? ....

 I was there from 2am to 4am. They did some x-rays to make sure he didn't fracture anything. He didn't. He's fine. Thank God! I crawled back into bed around 5 am and woke up with the kids this morning at 7 am. I'm tired. YAWN. Today is a caffeine day and I may just take that nap Big D suggests every day that I always refuse, claiming that it would make me a lazy A-hole.

Hey J! Stop bouncing off the walls and come here! It's time to start you're home schooling.......

BIRTHDAY PARTIES

I hate waiting. I mean, I really hate waiting. We have been waiting for our house to be ready to move into for what seems like forever now. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit, but I have all these really cool plans for the new place and I'm kind of obsessing about it. And since I can't actually get started on the wonderfully exhilarating projects that I have been planning and researching and drawing up on graph paper, my mind is just getting so full of crap that I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't let some of it out soon. 

One Week. 

Not even a whole entire week any more. Today is Monday. This next coming weekend, 5 days, is our projected moving day. We are crossing our fingers that nothing goes wrong and we don't have to wait another week. We have kind of a lot riding on this move date. Like more birthday parties...

Yup, that's right. Tons of fun and excitement! YAY! (<~ That would be sarcasm right there) Fun for the kids? YES! Fun for me? NO. Now sure, I love the planning part and I love the happy kids part just as much as any other parent does. What I don't love is a bunch of unruly brats on a sugar high without their parents trashing my house and not listening to a word I say when I'm trying to organize a civilized game of musical chairs. HA! Yeah right. Then comes the clean up. Ummmm,..... yeah, that can wait until tomorrow, because I am exhausted! 

Big D's birth date has come and gone, and as I've mentioned before, we have been postponing the celebration of his continued presence in our lives until we get into the new place. (His gift did eventually arrive, BTW, and he loved it. YAY me!) Small D's birth date is creeping up on us now, and then there's J's birth date next month.... So here's the plan of action that our enormous brains have come up with~>  Saturday the 5th we will celebrate Big and Small D's birthdays with a medieval themed party for the kids and a BBQ for the adults, then Sunday the 6th we will celebrate J's with a pirate treasure hunt. 

Oh yes, we MUST be just slightly insane for attempting such a feat. Did I say enormous brains? Hmmm, maybe they're not as big as we'd like to think... BUT, we are brave little soldiers, and though we may very well lose some of what remaining sanity we do have, we WILL succeed in providing two back to back fun filled days for our birthday boys! GO TEAM, GO! 

Uh, can we get some cheerleaders please?.....

STRESS

Big D is stressing over the custody hearing tomorrow because the ex lawyered up. I personally haven't spent any meaningful amount of time with her; definitely not enough to be any kind of a judge of her character. All I have to go on is what Big D tells me and how the kids behave. They usually don't relish the idea of going to their mother's every other weekend and extended stays on alternating holidays consist of phone calls to Big D asking if they can come home.

This is what I know... It has been an on again off again relationship in which she is the one that leaves; not taking the kids with her. They have always stayed with Big D no matter what. Now all of a sudden she wants them to live with her and she went out and hired herself a lawyer. There is no history of domestic violence or anything like that. They just both want custody. She is staying with her sister and they would all have to share one room. We are getting ready to have a 4 bedroom house (two kids per room) and 5 acres of land in about a week.

So what's my point? The judge is not going to give her custody just because she all of a sudden decides to she wants them and hired a lawyer. But Big D gets upset when I try to tell him he has nothing to worry about. He feels like I'm minimizing his fears. So he has been withdrawn this past week and I can't help him. And it makes me feel pushed aside and useless. Selfish on my part? Maybe. But I can't help feeling that way when he acts like a typical man and won't talk about how he's feeling. Especially when he's normally not a typical man. So tensions are high and I'm just trying to ride out the wave.


(At mediation she said she wanted to try to reconcile. Which just pisses me off. Because you had your chance, now he's mine, so BACK OFF!)

Meanwhile, my ex wants me to put his name on G's birth certificate so he can come back to the states from England. To this day he has not supported his son at all, yet he has the nerve to send me this e-mail...

Date: Tuesday, February 7, 2012, 9:13 AM

DON'T Take this the wrong way. I'm happy to give you money for our son for his upkeep. But please tell me what I'm geting for my money? I don't get to see him. I don't get to put my name on his birth papers. I tired to get your account info so I could give you money for xmas, I never got any word back from you. When you did contact me you said you had problems with your cell. When I asked you about geting my name on his birth paper you told me you did not trust me. Were that comes from I don't know.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

A little later he sent me a picture of his big brand new TV. Why, you may ask. Well, I just couldn't tell ya; because I don't know either. So I asked him why he can afford such a nice TV but not child support and he responded with this today...

Date: Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 11:51 AM

- my tv cost $35000 with the surround sound dvd 3d blue ray recorder 1000 watts my money my choice

- the ipad is a 65gb $800 my choice

- no car not at the moment as I'm saving for it oh and its a bmw z4 2010 M

- I've a son here at university, my cost, my son, my name on his birth papers.

 All I want is my name on my sons birth papers

Do you have a lawyer?

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Does he think he's going to impress me with all of his material belongings or scare me into submission? I told him to go f**k himself. 

GIRLS WHO PLAY IN THE DIRT

Great article. I was a dirty girl.  :)

Girls Who Play in the Dirt Grow Up Healthier

BUSY BUSY BUSY

So we were informed that our new house should be ready in about two weeks, we are just waiting on the new carpet and paint. I have slowly been sifting through the mounds of crap that has been collected over the years by my pack rat counter part, trying to figure out what to pack and what to leave out and what to toss. I'm a major procrastinator and do all my best work under the pressure of an impending deadline, so I feel kinda lost. I'm dutifully labeling each box with the room that it should be deposited in upon arrival, but this is a tedious and time consuming task. There is so much other stuff to be done. 


Like laundry for example. The washing machine conveniently took a crap on me today while all full of dirty clothes and dirty water. GRRRRR.....

We finally came up with a name for our soon to be realized dream... The Krazy 8's Ranch. And the business shall be called A MAZE N FARM. Haha! How origional. We like it and it fits us perfect. We are all a bit Krazy. In our own little individual ways. 

In the mean time I am on a mission of hunting down and applying for every possible Government Grant available that we qualify for. Odds are in our favor as fresh locally grown produce is pretty much non-existent in our area, which (hopefully) means there is a market for such a venue. At the suggestion of one of my Californian cousins I have come up with a survey to find out just how MUCH of a market for this there really is....

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/9SC8GFX

Meanwhile, Big D's birthday came and went with no sign of the delivery of the birthday gift I ordered over a month ago. Apparently it got lost in the mail and they had to send a replacement. I am much more disappointed than him. It finally arrived today and I relished the act of wrapping it up all pretty with blue twirly ribbon and a great big colorful bow. And even though I KNOW he's going to love it, I still worry that he won't. Because I always want my gifts to be perfect.

We were hoping to be in our new house in time to celebrate his birthday, but we weren't, so the celebration, AKA BBQ, has been postponed. We will be combining Big D's and Small D's birthday celebrations with the housewarming party/BBQ. Uhg, jsut THINKING about it is exhausting....

I played phone tag with the Dr's office today, and when we finally caught up with each other I was informed that J's neurologist had called them and suggested he be referred to a pediatric psychiatrist. Hallelujah!!! I was so ready for the long haul of renewing my battle with the public school system once we move. I feel like I've won something. I can take a deep breath and relax a little. I know it's still going to be an every day struggle for all of us, but at least now we don't have to battle the schools anymore. 

I look around me right now with the boxes everywhere and the kids bickering over what, how and who collected the mail after school. Small D wants to call the cops on me for telling him to stop pestering T. I am missing my babe, longing for his arms to be wrapped around me. Also, I'd like to take a shower. He needs to hurry up and get home.

Becoming Eight

For the past few years I have been a single parent. Until now. 2 families of 4 have come together in a head-on collision to become 1 family of 8. Let me introduce you to it's members....

Hi, I'm the wicked stepmother! I am pretty new to the area and don't really know anybody. I would much rather be working than playing stay at home mom and housewife. My 3rd person name will be "MOM" or "C".

My partner in crime is the fun loving giant man child who grew up here. He has an actual life with friends, family and a job, that consists of encountering other adult humans. We'll call him "DAD" or "D".

The oldest is an almost 11 year old boy in 5th grade full of flourishing testosterone, loves, loves, loves video games and YouTube. He also aspires to be a body builder. We'll call him "N".

Second oldest is a just barely 10 year old girl in 4th grade, a severely shy animal lover and my Mini Me, is also becoming hormonal, normally sweet and loving has become whiny and argumentative. This is "T" and she is seeing a therapist every other week for Trichotillomania.

Then comes the life of the party, an almost 7 year old boy in 1st grade just recently diagnosed with Tourett's Syndrome. He is full of endless energy and always on the go; this includes his mouth. He has an absolutely brilliant mind, but unfortunately his behavior issues are hindering him. I have recently taken on the venture of home schooling him since the public school thinks suspending him every other week is the best course of action. We are also trying to get an ADHD diagnosis. We'll call him "J".

"A" is a 6 year old girl in Kindergarten. She's the "Daddy's Girl" and loves the color purple, collecting rocks and helping out with chores. 

"Small D" is a soon to be 5 year old boy in pre-school.  He has recently become obsessed with the idea of death and dying, and the fact that he doesn't want anybody he knows or himself to participate in the act of it.

"D" and "A" go to their "REAL" mom's house every other weekend.

Last, but definitely not least, is "G". He is a 3 1/2 year old boy not yet in school. He is the charmer of the group and strangers always gush about how cute they think he is. (This strikes me as ironic since he is the mirror image of his ugly father, whom I hate). I obviously DO agree that he is absolutely gorgeous! He has a pretty bad speech delay that we are currently in the process of trying to figure out. 

Yup, that's right. All 3 of my totally awesome children have to see some kind of specialist. It's so NOT awesome, but it IS life as we know it.

Onto the furry and feathered.....

The doggies are Paige, a Dalmation mix, Jersey, a Corgi mix, Axle, a pit mix, and Dozer, a pit. 

The Kitties are Snowflake, a fluffy Siamese, Kiwi, a non-fluffy Siamese, and Mischief, the "Black Cat". 

T just bought a fiddler crab with her birthday money. She named her "Fiddles" of course. 

The most recent additions are the 3 hens in the back yard. They are only 3 months old and have yet to lay any eggs. They haven't been named yet either, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. (We do have 6 kids, remember). They are Easter Eggers and will lay blue/green eggs, to the delight of the kids!!

So here begins the adventure. We are getting ready to move into a bigger, better house with lots of land. 5 whole acres. And I have a dream. A farm / country store / petting zoo / pumpkin patch / corn maze dream! YAY! It's very exciting to be starting this new chapter in our lives, together.